Tag: Wildlife

  • The “Zoë” Chapter

    The “Zoë” Chapter

    You cannot find someone you know nothing about. Before the journey, this chapter draws a portrait of Zoë Payne — her childhood in England, her art colleges, her animals, her Lupus, her darkness, and her extraordinary gift.

    Zoë was born and raised on the outskirts of London where green rolling fields extend beyond the horizon. She was born to Jimmy Payne and Lucy Stevens on May 11th, 1956 in Amersham, England. She was the youngest of three siblings, the eldest of whom passed away during labor.

    Jimmy was a pilot for British Airways and with that came a lifetime of travel. The Paynes left behind thousands of picture slides depicting them in all manners of exploration, from a posh Safari in Tanzania to a casual saunter in front of the Taj Mahal.

    Zoë’s impressive talent for drawing is unmistakable. She attended multiple art colleges, not to learn, but to use their facilities and get discounts on pencils and supplies. The teachers would ask her to explain her unique style to the class. Despite her universally accepted talent, Zoë rarely sold any of her work. On occasion she was paid for a commission, but she absolutely despised the act of drawing for money.

    Early on, she was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune disease that can be excruciatingly painful and potentially deadly. It would force her to take a lot of bed rest and frequent doctor’s offices.

    Her love and connection to animals was almost spooky. She could hold her finger out and hummingbirds would land on her. At garage sales, she got our three-legged cat “Toughy the Tripod,” a cage full of ring-neck doves, and a parrot, among other things. I’ve heard stories of her knack for taming wild horses. So it’s no surprise why animals are a central theme in her art.

    Zoë was intensely spiritual and believed in a higher power. She also believed in the very dark sides of life, and depression would plague her until her death. Her art rarely shows a distinct sense of elation, but instead leaves you with a thought that there might be something else, something hidden, that is a little more sinister.

    As seen in the book

    zoe-chapter-page-1
    zoe-chapter-page-2
  • The “Cindy” Chapter

    The “Cindy” Chapter

    The first stop. Cindy had two of Zoë’s pictures hanging on her bedroom wall — and a name that would lead to the next chapter. This is how these things begin: at a funeral, with a borrowed frame.

    I saw Cindy at a funeral for a mutual friend. She knew my parents when they first immigrated to California from England and had worked with my dad for decades. After telling her about my journey to find Zoë’s pictures, I learned she had a couple in her possession. Cindy was nice enough to let me borrow them for a few weeks and get them scanned.

    I always liked Cindy. She was a tall confident woman who got to her station in life by being direct and assertive. In the early ’80s, Cindy commissioned my mom to draw a picture of birds with the specific request that it include grasshoppers and spiders. She paid $500 for the Three Parakeets. Cindy would describe how pained Zoë was to take any money from her.

    A few months after the Three Parakeets was finished, Cindy received a gift from Zoë in the mail. It was a drawing of a bobcat with a note that said:

    For Cindy a kindred spirit
    With lots of love from Zoë x….

    While Cindy told me this story, she got close to the Three Parakeets hanging on her bedroom wall and touched one side of the frame. I sensed that Cindy had a lot to say about that time of her life – a lot to say about a version of Zoë that she hadn’t thought about for a long time. I wanted to know, I wanted to be there. In this place that she was remembering about herself, about Zoë. But I felt out of place, and I didn’t want to pry. I thought I was just there to pick up a picture.

    Still looking at the hanging spiders in the picture, she told me about her ex-husband Jack who she knew to have four of Zoë’s pictures. I could tell Cindy had, and would always love Jack. Even as she described him as an anti-social and incredibly difficult person, I got the sense that Cindy loved that part about him, and that she cared for him. She softly went on to highlight just what a strong relationship Zoë and Jack shared around their mutual love for birds.

    As seen in the book

    cindy-chapter-page-1

    The Art

    Bobcat-Kiss
    Parakeets
  • The “Jack” Chapter

    The “Jack” Chapter

    Cindy’s ex-husband. A self-described recluse. A man who handed over four of Zoë’s pictures and told Luke he was the only person on Earth who should have them — forty-five seconds into their first conversation.

    Cindy had warned me that Jack was a little eccentric and a bit of a recluse. And I got that sense during our phone conversation. Before the introductions were done he interrupted me to explain that he would not be able to see me in person but he’d arrange for me to pick up his four pictures from Cindy. He told me that I was the only person on this planet who should have them and it was non-negotiable.

    This was forty-five seconds into my relationship with Jack and I again wondered if I was intruding. But he calmed my concerns when I asked him about birds. He excitedly told me how he and Zoë had hiked for days to help a condor’s nest from falling off a tree. He even more emphatically recounted their numerous bird watching adventures in far away places. It’s easy to see these themes in the pictures he gave me. I felt honored that he and Zoë shared their memories with me.

    I thought of Cindy outlining the Three Parakeets with her finger, and I wondered if there was more to the connection Zoë and Jack shared — more than just birds.

    As seen in the book

    jack-chapter-page-1
    jack-chapter-page-2

    The Art

    Condor
    Eagle
    Heron-Love
  • The “Bird’s Eye View” Chapter

    The “Bird’s Eye View” Chapter

    Not all chapters are long ones. This one is quiet — a few sentences about a picture made in limited copies, each signed personally with a different message. Sometimes that is enough.

    As seen in the book

    birds-eye-view-chapter-page-1

    The Art

    Birds-Eye-View
  • The “Luke & Zoë” Chapter

    The “Luke & Zoë” Chapter

    After two years and fifteen people, Luke returns to the question he started with: who was his mother? This final chapter is not an answer — but it is something better than one.

    During the two years it took to find all the pictures in this book, I’ve learned more about Zoë than I’d ever planned. And yet, I yearn to know her more. There are at least a dozen more pictures being cared for by equally amazing and interesting people as those in this book. From painful stories of depression and suicide, to intense battles with alcoholism, to her one-day employment at Disney, to the eagles she painted on the gas tanks of a biker gang. There are a lifetime of stories I want to know more about.

    I started this journey feeling the relationship with my mother was incomplete. And it still is. It will always be incomplete, and that’s okay. Every good relationship is an ever growing mountain of shared experiences you have with someone. In life and in death.

    The shared experience is a very powerful thing. Unconditional empathy for another about specific things and specific people. When Zoë died, or maybe before, I decided to give up on that shared experience. I didn’t think there was anything more to gain from it.

    But through the art in this book, the names in this book, and through me… Zoë continues to share herself and her experience with all of us.

    As seen in the book

    luke-zoe-chapter-page-1

    The Art

    Lion